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Top 10 Tips on How to NOT be an obnoxious asshole when you go out to eat.

  1.  Don’t leave your newspapers and magazines for us to clean up.  Throw your own trash in your own trash; it’s not my job to dispose of your Esquires and Teen Peoples.
  2.  Order what you want when I ask you what you want.  If when you get all of your food you decide you want 10 different sides, I’m going to give you a dirty look, because I’m damn busy and if you just told me in the first place I wouldn’t have to make another trip to the hot nasty kitchen and annoy the cooks even more asking for your damn side of barbecue sauce.
  3.  If you want separate checks, tell me BEFORE you all decide you can’t do math when the whole bill comes and you can’t remember how many fruity bitch drinks you had.
  4.  If the list of beers we have on tap does not list the beer you ask for, we still don’t have it on tap, then we DON'T have it on tap
  5.  The beers that are still brewing are unavailable because THEY’RE STILL BREWING.
  6. If you order a grilled cheese sandwich, don’t be upset when you get a grilled cheese goddamn fucking sandwich. 
  7. 15% is standard people, you should EXPECT to ALWAYS pay 15% on a tip, no matter what.  18% if your server is good, 20% if they are excellent.  If you have a problem, don’t express it by leaving a shitty tip.  Talk to the manager so at least I don’t feel like an asshole for trying my fucking best to keep you happy, and it turns out your just an ignorant fuck.
  8. Yeah, it is a trouble to get you your 5th water that I won’t be tipped on.  Fuck you and drink something real.
  9.  When I come to your table to take your order, stop your goddamn conversation.  If you continue to talk for more than 12 seconds, I will leave and not come back to bring you food…which is the whole reason you’re at a restaurant in the first place, isn’t it? 
  10.  If you ask me a dumb question or are rude to me because you don't view me as an equal human being, don’t be surprised if I’m rude back to you.  I’m a person who will respond as a person to ignorance and rudeness respectively.   For example, if I ask “How is your food?” and you make a face and say “Eh, I’ve had better”, I will NOT apologize for your own dumb choice nor say something like “Oh, that’s too bad”.  I will however, walk away and come back when you’re ready to pay me.  


Breakfast Mojo

I think my new "thing" is getting into lame trends 5 years too late.  I made myself a smoothie this morning and finally found out why everyone was so gaga about that Jamba Juice half a decade ago.

It's my own recipe, thinking about trademarking a name

5 oz Fage 0% Greek Yogurt
Half Banana
1 cup Unsweetened Soy Milk
Half cup of blueberries
one big ol' scool of Vanilla Whey Protein
2 Tablespoons of Agave Nectar - maple (or maple syrup)

I'm thinking - "Whey Awesome"  or "Yummerberry"...any thoughts?


Fall Sense/Sensation

First moments of Fall Sense

Definition of fall sense – nostalgia of cold wind, heavy sweaters and crisp colors in the crisp air. The smell of burning wood mixed with the first feeling of a true cold in your lungs. Flannel is not only cool but it’s practical, it’s the standard as opposed to a kind of lame fashion statement. Realizing how stupid it is to even think about making fashion statements because everyone is too cold to care about what you’re wearing, and you’re too cold to care how baggy your sweater is or how boringly gray your coat is.

My fall sense-ness springs from the change of my own scenery. The drive from Brattleboro to Keene changes every day. The scenery is like a moving picture in my eyes. Trees bloom overnight into vibrant fall colors…The drive is long and cathartic and I’m actually ecstatic about going to work this afternoon, despite being extremely sleep deprived.

I never thought that I could feel so homesick at home. It has been 4 years since my last fall experience, and memories flood back to me about my childhood. Walking to the bus stop, Halloween and trick or treating, running with friends in the cold air.

Also, the prospect of ECB’s Oktoberfest, Magic Hat’s Ourtoberfest “Hex” and other Fall brews is more than enough prospect to make Fall my favorite season.

I drank Hex (a malty amber ale, medium body with toffee and caramel flavor hints with a smoky finish) the other day (see awesome animation here) and it really invoked spooky demons in my soul. Spookiness and cold dreariness is overwhelming my persona these days. The other night I was awoken by a pack of coyotes howling at the moon. I can’t wait to wander the woods of my backyard and come upon a ghost or a monster, an abandoned tomb or a dilapidated castle.

My imagination is wandering today, sparked by an overwhelmed heart, an overtired body and a malfunctioning brain in the academic sense (note how that sentence makes no sense). Class is droning, discussions too long and too disparate about obscure topics like “culture” and “conflict” is leaving me itching for some trouble.

Maybe nothing will happen, but something is going to change. I feel it in the air.


Airport Gloom

I'm hungry...but I don't want Starbucks. And it's NOT because I've become a holier than thou extremist leftist hippie know it's because I'm sick of wanting a turkey sandwich and then paying TEN DOLLARS for it, and then finding out its half soaked with water! A ten dollar soggy sandwich. And a Water called "Vasa" which makes me think of the German word for water, "Vasser" but with an annoying German accent. I have about 20 minutes until boarding...and I'm just irritated now. Why are we forced into buying products that suck and are overpriced? I say this as I take off not one but two layers of plastic around my water bottle, twist off the top and then realize there is a plastic peel thing UNDERNEATH the cap. Finally I get to the tastes like turkey.

So I have water that tastes like turkey and a turkey sandwich soaked in water. All for ten American dollars.

I miss Vermont already :-(